Human Centipede: Review 9/28/11


This was supposed to be my first movie review, but because of certain… lazynesses It’s gotten pushed back to now.

Mmmm tastey

Alright, so unless you have been living under a rock, you have heard of the human centipede. It’s become somewhat of a cult classic at this point, especially on the internet. Fanatics (including people who haven’t seen it) say it’s the most disturbing, most disgusting movie ever created. The idea is pretty sick, 3 people connected ass to mouth to create the worlds longest and most dysfunctional digestive system ever created. The mad man behind this idea is a very famous doctor who is known for disconnecting Siamese twins, apparently he is sick of this idea and wants to connect people instead. So the three lucky candidates are two American girls (who got lost, their car broke down, and got stuck in the rain) And a poor Japanese guy who couldn’t know what the hell is going on since he doesn’t speak a word of English. Lucky for him, the German doctor had a handy little diagram of how things would work exactly, that was enough to get through to him. You know, when I originally heard of the idea, I just though “Rip away!” In my mind they puckered the lips up to the rectum, but that’s not true! They literally sewed chunks of the asscheeks all the way up to the hairline of the face cheeks, so yeah, that idea was shot down pretty quickly.

See what I mean?

So, now for the review. If you were expecting a groundbreaking puke fest, your wrong, it was corny acting, bad decisions, predictable, and honestly, got really boring at the end. The doctor that was hunting them down and stopped becoming scary and became just annoying. The part that annoyed me the most was when one of the girls had the chance to escape (Literally, a huge sliding glass door that was smashed open) instead of realizing that the guy wants three people and wouldn’t be able to do the procedure without three people, which meant that when she escaped she could have had time to go to the police and bring them to the guy. Instead she decided she NEEDED to go back to get her unconscious friend right then and there. While dragging her out she acted like she weighed a ton, you can easily drag a 120 pound girl across the floor, their skin isn’t stuck to the ground, grab her wrists and drag! Anyway, I found the movie at blockbuster, which honestly surprised me because I thought it wasn’t released in American. Go ahead and rent it if you want something to laugh at, just don’t expect to go to sleep with nightmares or feel nauseous while watching this, it’s just a corny B rate movie.

C'mon buddy, you can hold it in.

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