Sherlock Holmes Review 12/18/11


Now that the family is all back together (Me and my brother are back home from college for the holidays) we all decided that we would go to the pub, drink a few boozes, a french-tini for me, what I think may be the manliest drink ever, and go see a movie as a family, with a bit of alcohol in our systems we all decided on seeing Sherlock Holmes.

If your not familiar with the idea of Sherlock Holmes, he’s originally a great detective in the books known for finding small clues that anyone else would miss. If you read the books and are expecting the movie to be like the books, well, too bad. These movies are all action, Sherlock Holmes in these movies can somehow tell what peoples future actions will be. I don’t really get it but it’s a nice effect. In this movie the plot circles around this professor who is killing certain people all around the world. Apparently he is trying to bring about a war. I don’t want to give too much away because there are some major plot points throughout the movie.

Alright, review time, I’m making this one short and sweet because it is the Holidays and I’m exhausted. I really did enjoy this movie, there was so much action and so much wit going on, of course there were parts that left me cracking up (Especially when Holmes is riding around on a little horse) I don’t say this very often but this is a movie that needs to be seen in theaters, the sound works really nice there and the big picture really helps draw you in, so definitely see this one in the theater. Um, the only real thing I have to say is that there are so many characters to keep check on it can kind of get confusing and you have to listen to the dialog because as I said before, there’s a lot of wit being thrown around. Downey (Is that how you spell it) did a really great job with this and even though there was a lot of jumping back and forth with the plot lines it was still really nice, this movie has a really good blend of action and comedy which keeps you on the edge of your seat and laughing at the same time. Don’t bring the kids, there’s quite a nude part which will probably scar a child for life (It nearly scarred me) but bring your friends and go see this.

 

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Muppets review 12/10/11


Jesus it has been FOREVER since I last posted. I was going to post something else but then my parents decided we were going out for a dinner and a movie so I decided to leave the shadows of my dorm and join them. And now I just have to write this review, because, well it was a necessity. Being born in the nineties, well straight on 1990 in fact, we had the Muppets in our lives through movies like the pirate one “Treasure Island” and the one where Gonzo tries to go back to his home planet. We were raised on the group functioning as a whole with silly little quirks and gimics. Kermit would try to dodge the love of Miss Piggy while poor Beaker tried to survive the next terrible experiment the professor guy tried to dish out. Anyway even though I didn’t get to enjoy the full benefits of watching the original show, I had an idea of who they were and some of the dynamics that worked between them.

 

The way the movie had actually come into being was really cute, Jason Segal, the main guy in the story, fell in love with the series as a kid. Even though he wasn’t around when the original show was out, his parents had recorded the episodes and watched them with him. He was the one who brought this back, paying out of his own pocket to get the production rolling, and even sitting down and writing the movie out with someone else, which I think is really sweet. Stars, both young and old joined the project with him, which is why you see famous actors of all ages appearing as cameos in the movie.

The story of the movie is nice, Walter is the main star, a muppet himself, who notices pretty early on that he isn’t like other kids. Walter watches the Muppets and after seeing the similarities he has with them he becomes their biggest fan. Everything in his life has to do with the Muppets. His brother, Gary (Jason) grows up as a normal kid, but seeing his brothers differences as well he stays by his side. They do everything together, and by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Gary turns, I don’t know, lets say… 25? And is still in a bed next to his brother, keeping things nice and clean for the kids despite the fact that Gary has a girlfriend of 10 years named Mary. Though Gary is happy with the relationship, always keeping Walter involved, Mary wants to be more of a couple. The two are going to go to L.A. to celebrate they’re 10 year anniversary, of course Gary invites Walter along who wants to see the theater which hosted the show when in was on. They go to the studio to find it has fallen apart with time. Walter sneaks into a closed area which was formerly Kermit’s office to find a few menacing looking fellows talking over the contract of the Muppets including the property, they want to get the land from the muppets to tear it down and drill for oil. Hearing this Walter springs into action and finds Kermit telling him about the terrible news, the small gang ventures out to get all the muppets back together to put on one last show to get enough money to save the theater. The story goes on for a while, emotional problems are solved and the gang is brought back together once again. They put on the show and defeat the evil guy and are brought back into fame. Of course there’s more into it than that, but well, I think you guys get the gist.

Now for the review. It’s important to remember that this movie is for kids. It isn’t meant to have mature humor or death defying stunts, there’s no sex or foul language and that’s how it’s meant to be. For me, the movie seemed pretty slow starting off, it took it a while and I found myself almost being bored at times. There seemed to be some situations that only adults could understand like trying to find yourself and regretting things that have happened in the past. I thought these things would go right over a kids head and would bore them as well. One of the reviews for this movie mentioned Fonzie Bear’s fart shoes, saying it was inappropriate and stuff like that, for me, the shoes were fantastic and were used ingeniously, so those reviewers can just blow it out their butts, because Fonzie is blowing it out his shoes. I think this movie would be good to watch at home on your screen, there were kids in the theater and you wouldn’t believe it, but kids aren’t known for sitting down quietly. Let the kids watch this at home while playing with their toys and they’ll be plenty amused. Keep it as a movie for them to watch over and over again as I’m sure they will so they can grow up with Kermit. There aren’t many adult jokes hidden in there as I was hoping there would be, except for a few references to the older movies and an adorable scene where the chicken ladies sing “fuck you” by Celo (Or however you spell it) Green. I think you really saw the innocence of Jason Segal in this, with cute little musical numbers and the look in his eye which portrayed the innocence of a child. Oh! I also enjoyed the Cameos that people played, the guy who plays along with Jason in “How I Met Your Mother” is in there along with Neil Patrick Harris, for the kids there is also Selena Gomez. I did enjoy this movie but as I said, it sometimes left me getting a bit antzy in my seat so I could imagine what the kids were going through. As I said before, buy this when it comes out on DVD and pop it into the TV for the little ones to enjoy.

My Minecraft Mountain Kingdom. Beginning 11/21/11


So I made a creative world in minecraft, of course giving it the ever tasteful name of “Doo Dee Doo” Because, well, I have no creativity. So when I opened up the world, I did what I do with all creative worlds and wandered aimlessly trying to find the best place to build. I found this place, and it’s so hard to explain, but it’s just a huge group of mountains, and they’re not like shallow, or slight inclines, they’re like super steep, and they are a few floating islands, one of which I built up, making it wider. I decided I would make a mountain village, which will have several small buildings on top of the mountains and on the side of the mountains, there will be paths connecting the mountains, and for ones that will have to have the paths too low there will be tunnels going through them making it to the top. I have several screen shots, though because it’s so huge I will try to also explain them. So far I have a few connecting bridges and one building, there are also a few places where I added waterfalls, but not many, like maybe 2 or three at the most.

So, let’s get it started, I will include small explinations on the bottom of them. I hope you enjoy my ever artistic shots of minecraft.

Alright, so this is one angle of the mountains, as you can tell, there’s quite a bit to it, the farther areas didn’t even load. And that’s my little house. I would have built it all the way up, but because the top of that mountain is close to the cloudline, the houses will be shorter. I wanted to bring the roof up to an absolute point, but things don’t always work out that way

Another shot, of more of the mountains, this is so you can see how high they are. I love the formations on this, like the weird little formation close to the middle, here you can also see a small floating island.

The mountains are a border between the forest and the desert, which I think is pretty cool.

I was excited about that lava fall, I didn’t put it there and it looked really cool.

And of course a lava pit!

Another look at how steep things are.

Another lava pit

Another look at the steepness. I hate being up this high because it takes a while to load, this causes the game to lag quite often.

Sun was setting and I thought it looked cool.

A look at the main mountains from the desert side.

More mountains! Here you can see the paths a little bit, though it’s dark because, well, it’s night.

I guess I took another picture of the lava fall. I put another one on that little piece that is jutting out.

Another angle of the land bridge.

That’s the floating island I built up.

Those sheep are fucked.

This is one of my favorite forms. It’s so cool looking!

See that awesome lava/water fall? I made that, too bad it didn’t turn out well.

Anywho, that’s it for now, I’ll try to post more as there’s more progress. Hopefully I will finish it without the game accidentally getting deleted. Hope you enjoyed!

 

So, I Made a Mistake 11/21/11


I watched the first Twilight movie. SHUN ME NOW!! I knew it was coming on FX and I was bored, my whole mind set was, well, I’m not spending money, it’s going to be on anyway, and I really want to find out what the big deal was about this series that drove so many people wild. So here’s what I saw, if you are a die hard Twilight fan I suggest you look away now, or you’re going to get offended. Keep in mind, I have seen the movie before, when it came out in theaters me and my boyfriend at the time went and saw it, I’m sorry Ricky, I really had no idea… I ended up falling asleep. So when I came back to it yesterday, I thought “I’m going to look at this with no bias and just see what people like about it”  Anyway, these are the things I noticed.

So to start off, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is grey or shades of blue, This Bella chick comes to a new school, and just like every other girl coming in during the middle of the year, she makes a small yet goofy horde of friends right off the bat. Of course she ignores these new friendships and broods over the Cullen family. Everything that the kids do to cheer her up, she has a moody counteract to it all. My whole mind set was “I would love to have friends like that” There’s actually a part where she literally says “I’m more of the suffer in silence type.” What part of you is suffering?! Ok, I get it, you came from a hot hot dessert to a cool and cloudy mountain town, but these people are literally welcoming you with open arms and all you’re going to do is mope. She acts like they are bullying her, there’s a part where her mom asks her how she’s doing and she makes some little snarky comment acting like she’s miserable. She was literally given a TRUCK when she just got there, sure it’s not a brand new Lexus, but I would love a truck like that, it’s a real car. Anyway, right when she sees the Cullen family she creams herself. Turns out of course she has a class with the Edward person is right next to her. Apparently she didn’t change her underwear because Edward smells something nasty. It isn’t like he smelled something good and is trying to control himself, it’s just like, he smelt an old abandoned fish market, where they forgot to take a pile of fish out. One thing I noticed, it was completely awkward from the very beginning. I mean EVERY SINGLE interaction is rediculously forced and terribly awkward. It’s funny, because when Bella starts to figure out that good ol Edward  is a vampire she says “You talk like you’re from a different time” In my mind, she meant the stone ages, he never says anything intelligent. Anyway, the relationship kicks off from that single awkward moment in science class it was love that was meant to be.

So there were a few things besides the awkward dialog and super grey atmosphere. Let’s start off big, the huge scene that honestly made the entire movie, when Edward admitted to what he was. First, he scoops Bella up, romantically piggy back style. But that wasn’t the problem. When he ran, you know, when they do that super fast speed, where their feet blur out and the top half of their body is fine like a cartoon character from the 80s, his feet and legs didn’t match how he was moving and when she was riding it was absolutely smooth. I know that they aren’t going to get Robert Pattinson to be able to run up a mountain side, but they could have made it look better, it looked like they were sliding up, it was stupidly smooth. Alright, so they get above the cloud bank, finding a sliver of sunlight, and then! The Big moment! The sparkle skin! It wasn’t the fact that his skin was sparkly, it was the fact that the sparkle had sound effects! Actual twinkling noises. And it didn’t just happen during the scenes when it was the main point, when they were laying out in the field, the sparkle noise happened and faded out as the camera zoomed away. Are you hearing me?! Because I heard the sparkles! Another thing that threw me off, the fact that their bodies blurred out when they weren’t moving very fast. I get it, they can go fast, but when they were doing a light jog, like when they were playing the baseball game and the warewolf things came, they all jogged towards each other, but there was still a blur! I had an argument with my friend about this, he said that they were moving super fast speed and they slowed it down, but they really weren’t just jogging towards each other.Edward is, what? 70+ years old right? At least, but he’s always awkward when talking to anyone. He stutters and acts like a nervous school girl, he also always acts like someone is grinding his nuts, poor guy.

Anyway, I really, and I mean REALLY can’t find any reason anyone would like this, and don’t tell me that the other movies get better, I will never get that hour and a half of my life back, and I don’t usually regret things, but I really regret this. I don’t get it, I mean Robert Pattinson isn’t a bad actor, he’s actually pretty good in other movies, he just really isn’t good in this one. So if it’s not the acting, it has to be the writing? I know Stephanie Meyers isn’t a very good writer, don’t ask me which words they are, because I’m not going back and looking for it, but she makes up three words that weren’t previously in the English Language, or any language for that matter. And it wasn’t like she did it on purpose, she tried to sound smart but ended up using words that didn’t exist. I have nothing against Robert Pattinson, if anything, I have respect for him. I’m not a fan of Kristen Stewert, just because, well, she’s awkward and a pretty bad actress. Anyway, I’m sure there’s about 100 different things I want to say about this movie, but I can’t think of it right now, I think the movie made me brain dead…

American Horror Story 11/14/11


Man, just a few weeks have passed since the American Horror story had its first pilot. Honestly, before the series came out I had several mixed emotions on it, kind of giving me the sense that it’s sort of like desperate house wives mixed with a amity ville  horror, For those who are not exactly sure how to come across the this, it’s just best to keep your mind open.

I like horror stuff, like a lot of horror style and horror based story lines. Pretty much, the family moves int an old house the saleswoman seems to be pleased in the fact of seeing such a gorgeous home, but perhaps it’s not because of the money she is making, but maybe just getting the  property out of her hands all together. When the family asking about the house asks if anyone had died in the premise, she admits that there have been a few deaths, at this important red flag that would usually send any other house hunter running, their teenage daughter pipes up and declares that they have bought the house and just like that, the story begins. I think one of the really interesting factors they use in this series is you don’t know who is a ghost and who isn’t. It seems these people just walk in, and you find out later that they’re actually, for the most part, dead.

Apparently the dead have their own problems, like one of my favorite characters Tate. I have to admit, Tate is one of the most interesting characters on there. His character shot up a school, claiming that he only shot the ones he loved, saying he was sending them off to another better world. You’d think he’s a terrible person but he just seems like a sweet kid who is in love with the families teenage daughter. It’s just been very recent since he figured out what he had done to the school and seems to be lost himself, fighting over whether he should take his own happyness into consideration and stay with the one he loves or leave her forever. He’s also confused, having a sort of post traumatic stress disorder, his spirit doesn’t really know that he’s dead and he’s having trouble piecing everything together. It made me kind of sad for him, which I have to say, I didn’t really expect, when I first saw him I thought “Jesus this kid is creepy” but I really have to admit, he’s grown on me.

Another nice factor to this show is the character simply known as the “rubber man” He really doesn’t show up much in the series, in fact when you first see him, it’s just an old fetish suit hung up in the attic, but he’s all over advertisements and magazines that are about this show. I think he has to be the creepiest thing. Personally, I think it’s a personification of the anger, torment, and sexual tension that goes on in this house but what makes it really creepy, is you never know it’s intentions. With all the other ghosts you kind of know what personality they have and what they will do, but with this thing, you just kind of sit there, fists clenched, waiting to see what move it will make next. I swear, a few days ago I had a nightmare about this thing.

Oh! Another favorite character of mine is named Adelaide, or just Addy for short, she’s a 30 year old woman with Downs Syndrome who lives with her mother, a failed actress who says that all the children she had, except for one, had some sort of deformity. Addy was not the lucky one. Because of her disability she stays with her mom, but instead of just taking everything her mom says, she has quite a frisky personality, fighting her mom like a teenager would. She’s another character you really feel for even though she’s a bit of a creeper at first but you slowly fall in love with her.

At the beginning of each episode you hear about a murder that happened there, hence the name “The murder house”. It goes in a little more detail each time, which I think really draws you in. More likely than not, the back story they go into will probably be the ghost that visits. I really recommend this series if you are a fan of horror. I have to admit it’s really confusing and strange at first, and my first thought after watching the pilot was “I’m never going to watch this show again, I just don’t get it” but I keep coming back every week and as I said the characters really grow on you. Anyway, I don’t really know what got me to write about this, but I guess it was on my mind. Look at it as a review or opinion or whatever. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed~

Would you be able to take on the house?

Interestingly enough, I found out that there is an actual house out there like this in L.A. it’s called the Rosenhiem mansion and much of the filming is done on set. Of course there are a few rooms like the kitchen where they film it on a sound stage but I thought it was really cool. When it was listed a few years ago it was priced at 4.5 million and is now off the market.

Kardashian Divorce 10/2/11


Alright, so it seems the big news since yesterday is the divorce of Kim Kardashian (Sp?) and Kris Humphries. There’s been a lot of grief about this coming from… well for the most part, people who don’t even like the couple or the show. Included in the speculations are people claiming it was all a scam, they did it for money, they were never in love, Kim is a witch (That’s one of my favorites), there’s a ton more. Personally, I’ve watched the show before, enough to know who certain characters are and sort of what’s going on. Of course I don’t sit there deliberating over their every single move, but I put it on as background noise as I do other things, glancing over when anything close to exciting happens (It doesn’t happen that often).

I feel really bad for Kris H (We’re going to call him that) he kind of had the divorce dumped on him, and from my perspective, if you can deal with that crazy family with all that drama, than you must at least like her, you have to care for her. Anyway let’s look a bit at why people think it’s a scam. It’s true that major magazines payed out the ass for the pictures, but honestly, you don’t think she has enough money? She has her own clothing company, modeling career, not to mention all the money she is making from the show, she wouldn’t really need that money coming from those magazines. Another rumor is that she got most of the stuff for a reduced price, which would justify it being a scam, this rumor I don’t quite understand either, sure, she got the stuff for a reduced price, but all this stuff is for only one purpose, a wedding. Where else are you going to wear a wedding dress or wedding ring besides at a wedding or for marital reasons. There was one detail that seemed really strange to me, and that was the fact that Kris H went running to the press when it happened, I’m not sure what’s up with that, maybe he wanted his fans to feel sorry for him and support him in a time of need, he’s apparently taking it really hard and is doing anything he can to save the marriage, I’m sure the media is just making it harder for him to do that. As for the wedding gifts, it’s reported that they are giving all the money and gifts they were given to charity, personally, I would give them back to the people who gave them to me, since, it was their originally, this is another part that is strange, don’t you get tax cuts for giving to charity? Oh well. I don’t quite think it’s a scam, people are going to watch the show one way or another, but people can also turn away from it, no one is forcing you to watch it, they certainly aren’t forcing me. To the whole divorce I’m really indifferent. I just wrote this mainly because of all the rumors which didn’t seem to make sense to me. One of the things they are really getting hammered for is making a mockery out of marriage. I admit, it’s soo quick to have a divorce, what was it? 73 days or something like that? I would expect them to put more work into it, maybe marriage counseling if they felt they were having problems, but Kim took the low road and filed for divorce right away. Here’s the fact of the matter, divorce is a sad but normal part of our society. I think the statistics are a little over 50% of marriages end in divorce, so why is everyone taking it as such a shock that they divorced? I don’t think I’ve seen this much reaction to a divorce… well, ever. This isn’t the shortest marriage in the world, it’s not even the shortest marriage in hollywood. You know what they say, if a marriage in hollywood outlasts milk, then it’s true love. I think one of the reasons this is such a huge deal is because of all the reality show antics that goes with it. Anyway, I hope Kris is ok, since Kim seems to be doing swimmingly.  We’ll see how this plays out.

Human Centipede: Review 9/28/11


This was supposed to be my first movie review, but because of certain… lazynesses It’s gotten pushed back to now.

Mmmm tastey

Alright, so unless you have been living under a rock, you have heard of the human centipede. It’s become somewhat of a cult classic at this point, especially on the internet. Fanatics (including people who haven’t seen it) say it’s the most disturbing, most disgusting movie ever created. The idea is pretty sick, 3 people connected ass to mouth to create the worlds longest and most dysfunctional digestive system ever created. The mad man behind this idea is a very famous doctor who is known for disconnecting Siamese twins, apparently he is sick of this idea and wants to connect people instead. So the three lucky candidates are two American girls (who got lost, their car broke down, and got stuck in the rain) And a poor Japanese guy who couldn’t know what the hell is going on since he doesn’t speak a word of English. Lucky for him, the German doctor had a handy little diagram of how things would work exactly, that was enough to get through to him. You know, when I originally heard of the idea, I just though “Rip away!” In my mind they puckered the lips up to the rectum, but that’s not true! They literally sewed chunks of the asscheeks all the way up to the hairline of the face cheeks, so yeah, that idea was shot down pretty quickly.

See what I mean?

So, now for the review. If you were expecting a groundbreaking puke fest, your wrong, it was corny acting, bad decisions, predictable, and honestly, got really boring at the end. The doctor that was hunting them down and stopped becoming scary and became just annoying. The part that annoyed me the most was when one of the girls had the chance to escape (Literally, a huge sliding glass door that was smashed open) instead of realizing that the guy wants three people and wouldn’t be able to do the procedure without three people, which meant that when she escaped she could have had time to go to the police and bring them to the guy. Instead she decided she NEEDED to go back to get her unconscious friend right then and there. While dragging her out she acted like she weighed a ton, you can easily drag a 120 pound girl across the floor, their skin isn’t stuck to the ground, grab her wrists and drag! Anyway, I found the movie at blockbuster, which honestly surprised me because I thought it wasn’t released in American. Go ahead and rent it if you want something to laugh at, just don’t expect to go to sleep with nightmares or feel nauseous while watching this, it’s just a corny B rate movie.

C'mon buddy, you can hold it in.