Muppets review 12/10/11

Jesus it has been FOREVER since I last posted. I was going to post something else but then my parents decided we were going out for a dinner and a movie so I decided to leave the shadows of my dorm and join them. And now I just have to write this review, because, well it was a necessity. Being born in the nineties, well straight on 1990 in fact, we had the Muppets in our lives through movies like the pirate one “Treasure Island” and the one where Gonzo tries to go back to his home planet. We were raised on the group functioning as a whole with silly little quirks and gimics. Kermit would try to dodge the love of Miss Piggy while poor Beaker tried to survive the next terrible experiment the professor guy tried to dish out. Anyway even though I didn’t get to enjoy the full benefits of watching the original show, I had an idea of who they were and some of the dynamics that worked between them.


The way the movie had actually come into being was really cute, Jason Segal, the main guy in the story, fell in love with the series as a kid. Even though he wasn’t around when the original show was out, his parents had recorded the episodes and watched them with him. He was the one who brought this back, paying out of his own pocket to get the production rolling, and even sitting down and writing the movie out with someone else, which I think is really sweet. Stars, both young and old joined the project with him, which is why you see famous actors of all ages appearing as cameos in the movie.

The story of the movie is nice, Walter is the main star, a muppet himself, who notices pretty early on that he isn’t like other kids. Walter watches the Muppets and after seeing the similarities he has with them he becomes their biggest fan. Everything in his life has to do with the Muppets. His brother, Gary (Jason) grows up as a normal kid, but seeing his brothers differences as well he stays by his side. They do everything together, and by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Gary turns, I don’t know, lets say… 25? And is still in a bed next to his brother, keeping things nice and clean for the kids despite the fact that Gary has a girlfriend of 10 years named Mary. Though Gary is happy with the relationship, always keeping Walter involved, Mary wants to be more of a couple. The two are going to go to L.A. to celebrate they’re 10 year anniversary, of course Gary invites Walter along who wants to see the theater which hosted the show when in was on. They go to the studio to find it has fallen apart with time. Walter sneaks into a closed area which was formerly Kermit’s office to find a few menacing looking fellows talking over the contract of the Muppets including the property, they want to get the land from the muppets to tear it down and drill for oil. Hearing this Walter springs into action and finds Kermit telling him about the terrible news, the small gang ventures out to get all the muppets back together to put on one last show to get enough money to save the theater. The story goes on for a while, emotional problems are solved and the gang is brought back together once again. They put on the show and defeat the evil guy and are brought back into fame. Of course there’s more into it than that, but well, I think you guys get the gist.

Now for the review. It’s important to remember that this movie is for kids. It isn’t meant to have mature humor or death defying stunts, there’s no sex or foul language and that’s how it’s meant to be. For me, the movie seemed pretty slow starting off, it took it a while and I found myself almost being bored at times. There seemed to be some situations that only adults could understand like trying to find yourself and regretting things that have happened in the past. I thought these things would go right over a kids head and would bore them as well. One of the reviews for this movie mentioned Fonzie Bear’s fart shoes, saying it was inappropriate and stuff like that, for me, the shoes were fantastic and were used ingeniously, so those reviewers can just blow it out their butts, because Fonzie is blowing it out his shoes. I think this movie would be good to watch at home on your screen, there were kids in the theater and you wouldn’t believe it, but kids aren’t known for sitting down quietly. Let the kids watch this at home while playing with their toys and they’ll be plenty amused. Keep it as a movie for them to watch over and over again as I’m sure they will so they can grow up with Kermit. There aren’t many adult jokes hidden in there as I was hoping there would be, except for a few references to the older movies and an adorable scene where the chicken ladies sing “fuck you” by Celo (Or however you spell it) Green. I think you really saw the innocence of Jason Segal in this, with cute little musical numbers and the look in his eye which portrayed the innocence of a child. Oh! I also enjoyed the Cameos that people played, the guy who plays along with Jason in “How I Met Your Mother” is in there along with Neil Patrick Harris, for the kids there is also Selena Gomez. I did enjoy this movie but as I said, it sometimes left me getting a bit antzy in my seat so I could imagine what the kids were going through. As I said before, buy this when it comes out on DVD and pop it into the TV for the little ones to enjoy.

Human Centipede: Review 9/28/11

This was supposed to be my first movie review, but because of certain… lazynesses It’s gotten pushed back to now.

Mmmm tastey

Alright, so unless you have been living under a rock, you have heard of the human centipede. It’s become somewhat of a cult classic at this point, especially on the internet. Fanatics (including people who haven’t seen it) say it’s the most disturbing, most disgusting movie ever created. The idea is pretty sick, 3 people connected ass to mouth to create the worlds longest and most dysfunctional digestive system ever created. The mad man behind this idea is a very famous doctor who is known for disconnecting Siamese twins, apparently he is sick of this idea and wants to connect people instead. So the three lucky candidates are two American girls (who got lost, their car broke down, and got stuck in the rain) And a poor Japanese guy who couldn’t know what the hell is going on since he doesn’t speak a word of English. Lucky for him, the German doctor had a handy little diagram of how things would work exactly, that was enough to get through to him. You know, when I originally heard of the idea, I just though “Rip away!” In my mind they puckered the lips up to the rectum, but that’s not true! They literally sewed chunks of the asscheeks all the way up to the hairline of the face cheeks, so yeah, that idea was shot down pretty quickly.

See what I mean?

So, now for the review. If you were expecting a groundbreaking puke fest, your wrong, it was corny acting, bad decisions, predictable, and honestly, got really boring at the end. The doctor that was hunting them down and stopped becoming scary and became just annoying. The part that annoyed me the most was when one of the girls had the chance to escape (Literally, a huge sliding glass door that was smashed open) instead of realizing that the guy wants three people and wouldn’t be able to do the procedure without three people, which meant that when she escaped she could have had time to go to the police and bring them to the guy. Instead she decided she NEEDED to go back to get her unconscious friend right then and there. While dragging her out she acted like she weighed a ton, you can easily drag a 120 pound girl across the floor, their skin isn’t stuck to the ground, grab her wrists and drag! Anyway, I found the movie at blockbuster, which honestly surprised me because I thought it wasn’t released in American. Go ahead and rent it if you want something to laugh at, just don’t expect to go to sleep with nightmares or feel nauseous while watching this, it’s just a corny B rate movie.

C'mon buddy, you can hold it in.

Movie Review: The Debt 9/26/11

The Debt

Alrighty, so a few weeks ago, my parents invited me to go to the movies with them, my mom was keeping her ground in seeing The Debt even though I really wanted to see contagion. Long story short we went and saw The Debt. If you haven’t heard of this movie, don’t feel bad, I really didn’t either, I don’t remember any commercials for it or any advertisement honestly. Anyway, the movie is about a woman who used to be a spy in Germany during the Nazi regime. Her daughter wrote a book about her mothers heroic acts, but the mother doesn’t seem too happy, something else is on her mind. I don’t want to give away the ending or why she is like this but the movie generally switches back and forth between the woman now (In her…60s?) and the woman when she was younger (In her mid 20s) and what she had gone through. There is quite the complicated love triangle since she is set up with 2 guys (both of them are also spies) which gets confusing at times.

Even the poster made me go "eh"

For the final review, this movie was OK, really nothing to write home about, it was really slow and because of the time switches it got confusing at parts. They also seemed to leave quite a few things hanging (Which as you know, annoys me). There also seemed to be a few unnecessary sex scenes and very little comedic relief in a movie based at such a sad time. The only really cool part that made the movie interesting was the fight between the older woman and the gynocologist she was seeing (It’s part of the movie, he was apparently an insane killer in the concentration camps) It was a battle of the geriatrics which got intense at times. Wait for this movie to come out in blockbusters or kiosks to watch at home.

What really pisses me off: Movies 9/5/11

So a few days ago me and a friend went out to see the movie Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark. I’m going to write a review of it in my next post but something happened that ticked me off so much I wanted to punch a baby, which is pretty rare for me. It’s people talking during the god damn movie. There were so many people doing it, even the person I was with. It has to be the one of the biggest dick moves you can do. And seriously, during a horror movie, it’s not a comedy, stop laughing, stop cracking jokes. What kind of 12 year old does that? Turns out the kids that were doing it had justin beiber hair cuts, so it was pretty obvious that they weren’t too smart.



Ugh, and then the guy at the customer service was a dick about it too. I told him that there were people talking during the entire movie, and I pointed them out to him, he said that he wasn’t going to confront them after the movie and make a scene. I told him that it was so he could keep an eye out for them so they don’t ruin other peoples movies. Then he has the audacity to tell me the only reason I was complaining was because I was mad the movie was so bad. What kind of movie theater manager disses their own showings? I told him I kind of enjoyed the movie, it was just ruined by the 12 year old kids they let in. Then he tells me that I should have reported it while the movie was playing. I’m not going to leave the theater to do his job! Plus when you report something they go in with those damn glowing clipboards they carry around, not only does that distract me because of my ADD but it lets the people who are talking know that they are there, who would keep talking when they know that someone is out there with a glowing clipboard looking for people talking?! Christ, it was so annoying! But, I guess it has a happy ending, I got free movie tickets!!

technically we got 2, one for me and one for my friend

Sorry for the rant guys, I know I cursed a lot during it, and my grammar is terrible here. Anyway, I’m sorry I didn’t post yesterday, I got stuck at my parents house. Hope you have a good day and look out for my movie review of “Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark”