Sherlock Holmes Review 12/18/11

Now that the family is all back together (Me and my brother are back home from college for the holidays) we all decided that we would go to the pub, drink a few boozes, a french-tini for me, what I think may be the manliest drink ever, and go see a movie as a family, with a bit of alcohol in our systems we all decided on seeing Sherlock Holmes.

If your not familiar with the idea of Sherlock Holmes, he’s originally a great detective in the books known for finding small clues that anyone else would miss. If you read the books and are expecting the movie to be like the books, well, too bad. These movies are all action, Sherlock Holmes in these movies can somehow tell what peoples future actions will be. I don’t really get it but it’s a nice effect. In this movie the plot circles around this professor who is killing certain people all around the world. Apparently he is trying to bring about a war. I don’t want to give too much away because there are some major plot points throughout the movie.

Alright, review time, I’m making this one short and sweet because it is the Holidays and I’m exhausted. I really did enjoy this movie, there was so much action and so much wit going on, of course there were parts that left me cracking up (Especially when Holmes is riding around on a little horse) I don’t say this very often but this is a movie that needs to be seen in theaters, the sound works really nice there and the big picture really helps draw you in, so definitely see this one in the theater. Um, the only real thing I have to say is that there are so many characters to keep check on it can kind of get confusing and you have to listen to the dialog because as I said before, there’s a lot of wit being thrown around. Downey (Is that how you spell it) did a really great job with this and even though there was a lot of jumping back and forth with the plot lines it was still really nice, this movie has a really good blend of action and comedy which keeps you on the edge of your seat and laughing at the same time. Don’t bring the kids, there’s quite a nude part which will probably scar a child for life (It nearly scarred me) but bring your friends and go see this.


Muppets review 12/10/11

Jesus it has been FOREVER since I last posted. I was going to post something else but then my parents decided we were going out for a dinner and a movie so I decided to leave the shadows of my dorm and join them. And now I just have to write this review, because, well it was a necessity. Being born in the nineties, well straight on 1990 in fact, we had the Muppets in our lives through movies like the pirate one “Treasure Island” and the one where Gonzo tries to go back to his home planet. We were raised on the group functioning as a whole with silly little quirks and gimics. Kermit would try to dodge the love of Miss Piggy while poor Beaker tried to survive the next terrible experiment the professor guy tried to dish out. Anyway even though I didn’t get to enjoy the full benefits of watching the original show, I had an idea of who they were and some of the dynamics that worked between them.


The way the movie had actually come into being was really cute, Jason Segal, the main guy in the story, fell in love with the series as a kid. Even though he wasn’t around when the original show was out, his parents had recorded the episodes and watched them with him. He was the one who brought this back, paying out of his own pocket to get the production rolling, and even sitting down and writing the movie out with someone else, which I think is really sweet. Stars, both young and old joined the project with him, which is why you see famous actors of all ages appearing as cameos in the movie.

The story of the movie is nice, Walter is the main star, a muppet himself, who notices pretty early on that he isn’t like other kids. Walter watches the Muppets and after seeing the similarities he has with them he becomes their biggest fan. Everything in his life has to do with the Muppets. His brother, Gary (Jason) grows up as a normal kid, but seeing his brothers differences as well he stays by his side. They do everything together, and by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Gary turns, I don’t know, lets say… 25? And is still in a bed next to his brother, keeping things nice and clean for the kids despite the fact that Gary has a girlfriend of 10 years named Mary. Though Gary is happy with the relationship, always keeping Walter involved, Mary wants to be more of a couple. The two are going to go to L.A. to celebrate they’re 10 year anniversary, of course Gary invites Walter along who wants to see the theater which hosted the show when in was on. They go to the studio to find it has fallen apart with time. Walter sneaks into a closed area which was formerly Kermit’s office to find a few menacing looking fellows talking over the contract of the Muppets including the property, they want to get the land from the muppets to tear it down and drill for oil. Hearing this Walter springs into action and finds Kermit telling him about the terrible news, the small gang ventures out to get all the muppets back together to put on one last show to get enough money to save the theater. The story goes on for a while, emotional problems are solved and the gang is brought back together once again. They put on the show and defeat the evil guy and are brought back into fame. Of course there’s more into it than that, but well, I think you guys get the gist.

Now for the review. It’s important to remember that this movie is for kids. It isn’t meant to have mature humor or death defying stunts, there’s no sex or foul language and that’s how it’s meant to be. For me, the movie seemed pretty slow starting off, it took it a while and I found myself almost being bored at times. There seemed to be some situations that only adults could understand like trying to find yourself and regretting things that have happened in the past. I thought these things would go right over a kids head and would bore them as well. One of the reviews for this movie mentioned Fonzie Bear’s fart shoes, saying it was inappropriate and stuff like that, for me, the shoes were fantastic and were used ingeniously, so those reviewers can just blow it out their butts, because Fonzie is blowing it out his shoes. I think this movie would be good to watch at home on your screen, there were kids in the theater and you wouldn’t believe it, but kids aren’t known for sitting down quietly. Let the kids watch this at home while playing with their toys and they’ll be plenty amused. Keep it as a movie for them to watch over and over again as I’m sure they will so they can grow up with Kermit. There aren’t many adult jokes hidden in there as I was hoping there would be, except for a few references to the older movies and an adorable scene where the chicken ladies sing “fuck you” by Celo (Or however you spell it) Green. I think you really saw the innocence of Jason Segal in this, with cute little musical numbers and the look in his eye which portrayed the innocence of a child. Oh! I also enjoyed the Cameos that people played, the guy who plays along with Jason in “How I Met Your Mother” is in there along with Neil Patrick Harris, for the kids there is also Selena Gomez. I did enjoy this movie but as I said, it sometimes left me getting a bit antzy in my seat so I could imagine what the kids were going through. As I said before, buy this when it comes out on DVD and pop it into the TV for the little ones to enjoy.

Paranormal Activity 3 Review 9/21/11

If you read my earlier post, you know that I had mixed feelings about this movie. I had seen the first two and liked them, but I thought the third was kind of running the series into the ground.

The basic premise of the movie is the same as the first two. A guy in a family gets a camera and because of this camera, creepy things start to happen in the house. Ok… well maybe not because of the camera, but it kinda seems to be that way with these movies. As far as we know, nothing creepy happens before these cameras are brought into the house. The movie is completely in first person, except for the two cameras he sets up in his room… and daughters room (Kinda creepy) The movie is supposed to portray what happens to the girls that they remember as children. Apparently they don’t remember too much because none of this stuff is ever mentioned in the previous movies. The movie is of course set when they are children, so in 1988, specifically September. The two have really long, really dark hair, making their appearance similar to the girls from The Ring and The Grudge series. The youngest one has an imaginary friend named Tobi who is, according to her, a tall old looking thing. The relationship between the two doesn’t seem like what a normal little girl would have with an imaginary friend, she seems more scared of it than friends with it. Anyway, it lives in a little crawlspace in the girls room. Strange stuff starts happening around the house, lights falling, weird noises, stuff like the previous movies and then it starts to escalate. Before you know it, friends are getting scared away (In this case, babysitters) and the family is running scared. If you wanted a new storyline, well, it’s not going to happen. Just a different set of characters and more clearing up of the main plot. There’s a huge twist at the end. If you don’t want a spoiler don’t read the following paragraph, the one after that has the final review.

This never happened

The huge twist is that the grandma is apparently causing all this. The family goes to the grandmas house to escape the thing, only to find out that not only has the thing followed them, but the grandma is some sort of witch who is preforming some sort of ritual with other old ladies. The grandma and her posse of old ladies goes after the boyfriend, kills him and the mom, and takes the two girls, the older of the two is somehow possessed (That was a creepy scene by the way). The thing that bothers me about this is in the second one they revealed that the family some how made a deal with the devil and promised it their first born boy, which really pointed out the fact that it made no sense that this Tobi was going after the girls. According to the second one, a boy hadn’t been born in the family for generations and the mother didn’t seem to have a problem. By the way, the boyfriend getting killed was a really brutal scene.

Also never happened

So for the final rating… I don’t know, I’m still mixed on this. It was scary, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t scary in the same way that the first two were. The first two were all about scaring you by strange things happening and you not being able to see the source, and the all over atmosphere just being really creepy, you would have to look really carefully to see the little scary details. This one had more jump out scares, you got to see more of the actual entity, even though for the most part it was a weird shadow. There was an actual scene where the babysitter just sort of jumped out and said “boo!” there was a lot of stuff like that which kind of turned me off to it. I didn’t really like that. Also, if you are expecting scenes from the commercials, like the creepy scene of her jumping from the balcony, well, those are all teasers and don’t actually happen. If you want a jumpy scare, you’ll get it with this. If you want an actual story (But let’s be honest, who want’s that in a horror movie) then look elsewhere. I would actually either see this several weeks after it comes out in theaters, or watch it at home with your volume way up. The reason why I say wait to see this later after the release, is because… well, people are assholes and talk during movies…

Paranormal Activity 3 pre-review 10/21/11

So I’ve been following paranormal activity since the first one came out way back when, it’s crazy to think that they are already coming out with the third one. Of course I’m excited because I’m a total horror junkie, I love the adrenaline and it’s always nice to bring a guy to cling onto him XD. Anyway, I’m a little thrown back by the third one, they keep going farther and farther in the past, proving that the entire family were cinematographers.

I mean, little girls in horror movies are scary to begin with, but when one is talking to this imaginary friend, it gets even creepier. The movie is of course going to be first person, which means that someone is carrying around a camera, I think this brings up the scary factor, because it’s not all CG, it’s like your there, experiencing it for yourself. One of the things that this series seems to do so well is screw with your comfort level, it makes you scared of certain areas, and makes you relax in other areas, then it freaks you out in those areas you were so comfortable with. I really think they perfected this in the second one so I’m interested in seeing what they do with this third one. I think that’s what sets this movie apart from the others, you don’t have to see the creepy thing to be scared, it’s more of the atmosphere that is scary rather than this thing that you never see. It’s the possibility that something might happen, and they don’t do that by doing really loud music that builds up tension just to go away then something jumps out, the movies don’t have any music in them whatsoever.

Anyway, I kind of have mixed feelings about going and seeing this movie, I’m not sure how well it’s going to go, I’m just really hoping that they haven’t drove this series into the ground. I will put an official review after I see it, this is just sort of my ideas before seeing it.

Human Centipede: Review 9/28/11

This was supposed to be my first movie review, but because of certain… lazynesses It’s gotten pushed back to now.

Mmmm tastey

Alright, so unless you have been living under a rock, you have heard of the human centipede. It’s become somewhat of a cult classic at this point, especially on the internet. Fanatics (including people who haven’t seen it) say it’s the most disturbing, most disgusting movie ever created. The idea is pretty sick, 3 people connected ass to mouth to create the worlds longest and most dysfunctional digestive system ever created. The mad man behind this idea is a very famous doctor who is known for disconnecting Siamese twins, apparently he is sick of this idea and wants to connect people instead. So the three lucky candidates are two American girls (who got lost, their car broke down, and got stuck in the rain) And a poor Japanese guy who couldn’t know what the hell is going on since he doesn’t speak a word of English. Lucky for him, the German doctor had a handy little diagram of how things would work exactly, that was enough to get through to him. You know, when I originally heard of the idea, I just though “Rip away!” In my mind they puckered the lips up to the rectum, but that’s not true! They literally sewed chunks of the asscheeks all the way up to the hairline of the face cheeks, so yeah, that idea was shot down pretty quickly.

See what I mean?

So, now for the review. If you were expecting a groundbreaking puke fest, your wrong, it was corny acting, bad decisions, predictable, and honestly, got really boring at the end. The doctor that was hunting them down and stopped becoming scary and became just annoying. The part that annoyed me the most was when one of the girls had the chance to escape (Literally, a huge sliding glass door that was smashed open) instead of realizing that the guy wants three people and wouldn’t be able to do the procedure without three people, which meant that when she escaped she could have had time to go to the police and bring them to the guy. Instead she decided she NEEDED to go back to get her unconscious friend right then and there. While dragging her out she acted like she weighed a ton, you can easily drag a 120 pound girl across the floor, their skin isn’t stuck to the ground, grab her wrists and drag! Anyway, I found the movie at blockbuster, which honestly surprised me because I thought it wasn’t released in American. Go ahead and rent it if you want something to laugh at, just don’t expect to go to sleep with nightmares or feel nauseous while watching this, it’s just a corny B rate movie.

C'mon buddy, you can hold it in.

Terra Nova First Episode Review 9/27/11

First time I’ve done a review for a TV show but this thing was given so much hype it seemed like a movie (Plus it was really long).

Alright, so same as always, a quick preview of what the show is about. The setting (At the beginning anyway) is a world about a hundred years in the future where we completely destroy our planet and it seems the only hope is a time rip they found that brings you to the time of dinosaurs. The series is revolving around a family of five (Mother Father, older Brother, Middle sister, and little sister) because the world is so screwed up and over populated they have a population control force. The limit for a family is two children, so they try to hide their little girl when the population control services comes to their house to search them. They find the little girl, dad loses his mind, puches one of the guys, and ends up behind bars. Fast forward to a couple years in the future and the family finds out that they got accepted to go to the land of dinosaurs. The dad busts out of jail and makes it with the family (Of course not without consequences). But what is this? They snuck the little girl in too!! There’s also the problem that with the lack of trees in the future, this amazing amount of oxygen is making it hard for people to adjust, but they have a way around that. Anyway, that’s the basics, a family trying to get a new start… with dinosaurs. Oh! Also, no worries, as they explain in the show, it’s a different time line, so it won’t screw up the already screwed up world.

Average dino family

I really really enjoyed it! Think Jurasic Park, mixed with Avatar, and a little bit of Lost (Since there seems to be a mystery that they have just dipped into) The whole premise was pretty creative and you actually felt for the characters. Even with all the reported set backs that came with the huge production value it had a pretty successful release. The only thing I would have liked, is if it were shorter… The premier was 2 hours long! Way too long for a show. I had to admit, because of the long length, I found myself playing with my computer, which I felt bad about. One of the most touching scenes was when the little five year old little girl was feeding one of the long neck dinosaurs (Forgive me for not remembering the scientific name) it was really cute. I also thought that they might have shoved too much into the show at once. There was the part with him getting arrested, the part where they got to Terra Nova, and the part where the stupid 16 year old son got stuck out in the woods and got attacked by the “Slicers” it was just too much to follow, but I’m not going to question it. The one thing I don’t get is the son hates/blames the father for going to jail, claiming that the family went through a lot to survive without him but they didn’t really show what exactly happened, my guess is he’s probably just hormonal. Anyway, great show, I definitely plan to follow it, and I recommend if you like dinos and avatar, and lost, to watch this ^^

These were my favorite dinosaurs as a kid~

Movie Review: The Debt 9/26/11

The Debt

Alrighty, so a few weeks ago, my parents invited me to go to the movies with them, my mom was keeping her ground in seeing The Debt even though I really wanted to see contagion. Long story short we went and saw The Debt. If you haven’t heard of this movie, don’t feel bad, I really didn’t either, I don’t remember any commercials for it or any advertisement honestly. Anyway, the movie is about a woman who used to be a spy in Germany during the Nazi regime. Her daughter wrote a book about her mothers heroic acts, but the mother doesn’t seem too happy, something else is on her mind. I don’t want to give away the ending or why she is like this but the movie generally switches back and forth between the woman now (In her…60s?) and the woman when she was younger (In her mid 20s) and what she had gone through. There is quite the complicated love triangle since she is set up with 2 guys (both of them are also spies) which gets confusing at times.

Even the poster made me go "eh"

For the final review, this movie was OK, really nothing to write home about, it was really slow and because of the time switches it got confusing at parts. They also seemed to leave quite a few things hanging (Which as you know, annoys me). There also seemed to be a few unnecessary sex scenes and very little comedic relief in a movie based at such a sad time. The only really cool part that made the movie interesting was the fight between the older woman and the gynocologist she was seeing (It’s part of the movie, he was apparently an insane killer in the concentration camps) It was a battle of the geriatrics which got intense at times. Wait for this movie to come out in blockbusters or kiosks to watch at home.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes: movie review 9/9/11

Warning: this review may contain spoilers

I have to admit, I was not looking forward to seeing this movie, being practically raised on the series thanks to my dad, I could tell that this movie wasn’t at all like the original idea of how the apes took over the world. But, I have to say, I LOVED THIS MOVIE! And now I’m gonna tell you why~

Really, unless you have been living under a rock for the past… forever, then you are familiar with the concept of planet of the apes, for those of you that have in fact been living under the aforementioned rock, the entire series revolves around the fact that apes took over the world, and the human race gets wiped out. The movies before this one were about thousands of years in the future after the monkeys took over and how they evolved into a civilized species, complete with clothes and armor. Not many people are aware of how this actually came to being, in the original, Ceaser, a chimp from the future, gets into a space ship, gets lost, somehow goes into a wormhole and ends up in the past. In this alternate universe, cats and dogs are wiped out by a virus of sorts, forcing the human race to take monkeys in as pets, because everyone knows the human race has always had a need to dominate some sort of animal, and birds and fish just don’t cut it. Eventually the virus spreads to people and kills them. The apes take over. If you don’t want spoilers don’t read the following paragraph, the one after that is my true review.

This is not how this movie plays out. In this version, a well known scientist is struggling with the fact that his father has severe alzheimer’s. In an attempt to reverse the effects he creates a drug, in the process of making it, he tests it on apes, one ape in particular passes the effects onto her baby, but dies herself because of the drug. The scientist takes the baby chimp because the company he works for wants to kill it. He had no idea how the drug he created would affect the baby chimp and to his amazement, he discovers the cute little guy learning faster than any human child ever could. He treats the chimp like his own child, teaching him sign language and giving him his own well decorated room in the attic. When he sees how well the chimp is doing, he decides to take the risk and give the drug to his father, it works. Not only does his father recover, but his intelligence actually improves on how it was pre-alzheimer’s. All looks well, until after a few years, when his fathers immune system starts to fight off the drug, and his alzheimer’s comes back. The now senile father goes out, trying to drive a neighbors car, which pisses off the neighbor, who starts getting rough with the poor old guy, which in turn pisses off Ceasar. What follows puts Ceasar into a primate holding center, which looks nice at first, but you later find out that Draco Malfoy is the guy who is taking care of them. Surprise surprise Draco Malfoy is kind of an ass to both wizards and monkeys. He pretty much single handedly pisses off the monkeys so much that they break out and “Rise”. I don’t want to go much farther into it than that, it’s pretty much the base story.

That's right Ceasar, you tell them who's number 1!

This movie was fantastic. It completely blew me away. The graphics they used for the apes was flawless, and the way they captured Ceasars emotions through the same guy that played Golum from Lord Of The Rings was amazing. Everyone truly felt connected to him and by the end of the movie everyone in the theater was rooting for the apes to win, which was a shocker to me. Just about every ape has it’s own personality, you can tell almost each and every one of them apart, you would think that they would all look the same, and that Ceasar would easily disappear in the mob of monkeys, but that’s not true, you can tell him apart from all the others, and all the main ones can be easily spotted as well. The movie also incorporates details from the original series into this new techy version, including the space ship that gets lost, which leads to the past movies, and Ceasars first word, which was covered in one of the first few movies. One of the things with this film is you really have to pay attention, small details that seem to pop up in random parts of the movieĀ  have major consequences later on. Usually I can find something wrong with a movie, especially inconsistencies, those little moments where you ask “What happened with this? Where did this guy go?” but they really keep track of all of them. I can’t find a single thing wrong with this, at first I thought I did, namely, how did they human race get wiped out, but wait a couple seconds after the credits start and they catch that as well. As for the music, also fantastic! So for the final review, go see this! It really is worth seeing in theaters. In all honesty, I will probably go see it again, that’s how much I enjoyed it.

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark: Movie Review 9/5/11

A little warning before you read my movie reviews, there is a possibility of spoilers. You’ve been warned.

I don't know why it says the wrong date...


Like many other horror movie fans, I was excited to see Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark. It looked a bit different than the other generic horror movies that are coming out this summer and I thought I would enjoy it. If you were expecting a movie about a haunted house, then you’re wrong.

The movie starts out with a pretty brutal scene set around the 18th century. This scene gives you a hint about what is going on with the house, and what’s going to happen throughout the rest of the movie. The little creatures were scary at first, they were about 2 inches tall, humpbacked little things with hazy eyes, I don’t want to give away what they were exactly and what they were trying to accomplish, but their main goal seemed to be to terrify the crap out of this little girl mostly by whispering her name, hiding under things, and screwing up her toys. It really doesn’t explain why they take their sweet time with this, or why her dad is so ignorant to her sheer terror. It seems that at every chance she gets to show him what’s going on he just ignores her.


They're pretty creepy looking at first

Anyway, to the final review, yeah the things areĀ  creepy looking, but after a while they just get annoying, it gets to the point where you are just like “Ok, that’s enough, you little bastards can go away now!” The movie loses its creepyness pretty early on. It’s deffinately not a movie that will keep you up with the creeps late at night. The ones who would really get scared by this are kids, of course you don’t want to bring your young kids there (To all those parents who decide to take their screaming five year olds to adult movies instead of getting a babysitter) this is more of a movie for teenagers, maybe… 14-16 year olds who enjoy more of the gory stuff because there are some pretty brutal parts, one at the beginning and one at the end, one of them involves bone snapping, which is cringe worthy, so if your teen has a weak stomach you might want to tell them to close their eyes, and maybe ears. All in all it was an OK movie, nothing really to write home about, and it definately won’t be haunting my memories any time soon. Wait for this one to come out on DVD and rent it at one of those $1.00 kiosks, you won’t feel bad about it.